Lockdown - Exit Strategy

It has been what? 50 days? or 60 days?

Does it seem like years, to some of you? This strange little thing called "Lockdown" - making a curious history of its own. It sure has beat those lessons that we studied in History, WW I and WW II, those (thankfully) stopped at II. Here, LD 1.0 has, all too quickly, segued into LD 3.0 (coming to an end today) and continuing to LD 4.0 with barely a break in stride....

And so, L & G, we have (mostly) been safe (or "stuck" - depending on a POV) in a place that once used to be called "Home, Sweet Home" since a long time ago. Speaking purely for myself, since LD 1.0 began, I ventured out of my colony all of three times - and, count my blessings, have been in absolute (not relative) comfort all this while. A couple of times each week I venture out of my building, still staying within my compound, going up to the main gate where a vegetable vendor rules his empire of 6 buildings and 440 captive customers.

For the most part, though, I have remained happily in the comfort of my HSH  - attending video meetings (formal shirt, necktie, a suit/blazer et al) on cam, while off cam in "down under" a pair of Bermudas have completed the wardrobe. Boy, there ARE things about the LD that I've grown to love.

Grown, too, during the LD was a thick, bushy, and mostly white beard streaked with bits of grye more than back. This flourished for 45 or more days until even I, myself, couldn't stand it anymore. Off went the beard and I was back to pre-LD days. The beard trimmer is, perhaps, the single most useful invention of mankind (after, of course, beer!)

The other day, I began to itch. And scratch. My head. The hair. Had grown. Too long - by my standards. I hoped LD 3.0 would get over and I would be able to Clap Urbanely - but that was not to be. Urban Company did not rise to my occasion and I was left scratching my head - literally and figuratively. I looked at myself in my mirror. And did NOT like what I saw (never have, even in the best of times). At times like this, seeking the help of the better half can be fraught with peril, and so, in a fit of misplaced confidence, I became like one of those Americans or Australians who are oh-so-capable of DIY miracles.

I looked at that ever so reliable beard trimmer. Phillips. Neat. Compact. Tidy. Easy to use. Also, very helpfully, it even has numbered settings ranging from 1 going up to 8 or something.. Simple, really, to do the job. And so I did.

Plonked at the dressing table, an old newspaper spread to reap my harvest, fan switched off, the air-conditioner ON and the door locked (one did not want "she who must not be named" walking in and giving unnecessary lectures)

Permit me to digress a bit - did any of you watch the Rajiv Bajaj interview? Where he speaks candidly of how government failed to plan. Something along the lines of "How can you begin something without being clear of how you are going to finish?"

Anyway, I began. And I was clear about the finish. I was going to end up with a neat but short cropped top, very closely trimmed sides and matching, very closely trimmed back of the head. It's easy to do. You start at the sides with the blades set at 2, move up to 3 and then finish at 5. Easy peasy.

And so it went. All perfect. To plan. And, periodically, one removes the removable plastic head, cleans it up, collects the lumps of hair, and sets the plastic head back, adjusts the number to 3 or 5 or whatever, and resumes.

I remember reading a blog written by my good friend, Adi Pocha, where he narrated his travails during a similar exercise a few weeks ago. I smiled at the memory, amused at his adventure. If only he had my foresight.... this is sooooo easy, almost child's play.

Almost. There's one small detail that I suddenly skipped. The sides were now perfect, the back was, too. Exactly the way I wanted. I was now proud of my skills and was contemplating a change of profession. And now, to the top. Having cleaned the trimmer, collected those lumps of hair, etc, I now turned to the top of my head, the crowning glory. And, as I confidently ran the trimmer (setting at 7, please double check!) I suddenly see - horror of horros - a clean, completely bald patch in the exact middle of my crown. Ooooops. I had removed the plastic head from my trimmer, cleaned it up, kept it aside and FORGOT to put it back on.

Now, it doesn't matter. I know exactly what Rajiv Bajaj was talking about. I also know something that he doesn't. So what if things go awry? Make a clean sweep.

And, on that note, I shall stop boring you. My exit strategy.....