Isn't it kind of true, we've all been brought up with certain stereotypes drilled into our brains right from our birth? As boys we'd learnt that it's not right to cry (well, not cry TOO MUCH) if we fall and hurt ourselves, for example? It's the "man thing" to grin and bear the pain, right? So you get up, pick up the bicycle, wipe your runny nose and, at the same time surreptitiously wipe those tears that are just waiting to flow, secretly hoping no one's seen those tears... a quiet sniffle, you climb back on the cycle and pedal again even though your knees or your shin or some other part of you is bleeding and bloody painful... crying is for girls, right? So, if you cry, you're a "cissy" and what fate can be worse than that, having the guys in class bully you?
And thus it goes... you hurt and you smile, bleeding inside, unable to let those emotions show themselves for what they really are. You display it, oh yes, you certainly do - temper tantrums, screaming and shouting perhaps, or maybe you withdraw into a sulk and go off into a shell ... you disguise, sometimes, a forced gaiety maybe, that fools only yourself? Whether the hurt is physical or something else, the rule is MEN DON'T CRY, period. REAL men don't cry, so there!!
And so, when I returned from a short trip to Madras (Chennai?) with a bag of books and a few DVDs - yesterday I "indulged" myself. Was watching a movie called "Abhiyum Naanum" (Abhi and I) - a story about a father and his daughter (the daughter's name, in the movie, is Abhi). Years back, watching movies like Abhimaan or Shor (Manoj Kumar) I used to cry at certain scenes, heartstrings getting tugged dangerously.... the tears would come, silently, but safely because the movie hall was dark and no one was watching you. The females would cry more openly, kerchiefs out, sniffling sounds competing with the on screen weeping..... but MEN don't cry, or at least, not noisily!
And thus it goes... you hurt and you smile, bleeding inside, unable to let those emotions show themselves for what they really are. You display it, oh yes, you certainly do - temper tantrums, screaming and shouting perhaps, or maybe you withdraw into a sulk and go off into a shell ... you disguise, sometimes, a forced gaiety maybe, that fools only yourself? Whether the hurt is physical or something else, the rule is MEN DON'T CRY, period. REAL men don't cry, so there!!
And so, when I returned from a short trip to Madras (Chennai?) with a bag of books and a few DVDs - yesterday I "indulged" myself. Was watching a movie called "Abhiyum Naanum" (Abhi and I) - a story about a father and his daughter (the daughter's name, in the movie, is Abhi). Years back, watching movies like Abhimaan or Shor (Manoj Kumar) I used to cry at certain scenes, heartstrings getting tugged dangerously.... the tears would come, silently, but safely because the movie hall was dark and no one was watching you. The females would cry more openly, kerchiefs out, sniffling sounds competing with the on screen weeping..... but MEN don't cry, or at least, not noisily!
Yesterday, watching "Abhiyum..." was a liberating, humbling experience. The tears flowed freely and fast, happiness intermingled with pain, the movie so delicately displaying the growing up pangs, the pain - not of the little daughter but of the father! How easily the little toddler grows, how quietly age creeps up, how she gains confidence and at each stage as she becomes capable of knowing exactly what she wants the father begins to feel her slip away... and I cried till the very end, the very happy, happy end as he realises what Wordsworth said a few hundred years back. The child is the father of man...
Lovely post, I enjoyed reading it. Wonderful visuals and thank you for sharing your experience!
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